I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
