I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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