Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
