i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
