bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
