How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
