did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There's always time for handjobs
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
