i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
BRING THE BAGELS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
