Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
