oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
