Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my poor anus
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
