Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
where does the pee come out of this thing
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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