WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sext me about skeletons
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
