Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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