I got chris browned last night
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
