apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
