Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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