That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
