just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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