Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
