Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
