On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
