im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
