so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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