I'm going to jail i love you
Porn is love you can see.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
