Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have already put on my inside pants.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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