I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
