seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
