meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
