Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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