I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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