Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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