pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
