he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
