i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
They have beer where we have blood.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
