I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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