Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
