Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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