just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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