I need help removing her.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
