The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
