Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
