why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
