Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
