You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
