You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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