Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
