NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
