all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
