I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
