Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
